I just got home from the grocery store. Yes, I still shop in-person—for a variety of reasons, ranging from I’m really not organized enough to order my groceries in advance, to I don’t like the thought of someone handling my food and putting it in their vehicle.

As I drove away from the parking lot, I noticed the red “Cart Return” sign and the way the sunlight was hitting the sign just lit an idea in my head: I’d like to start a cover band called Cart Return.

I mean, heck, there’s a popular local band called Soup Kitchen, so why not Cart Return?

I think it would be fun!

Since the majority of people who shop for groceries in a store seems to be 55-plus, Cart Return will cover songs from the 1950s-1990s.

Our set will include classics like:

Day-O, The Banana Boat Song (Harry Belafonte, 1956)

One Bad Apple (The Osmonds, 1970)

No Sugar Tonight (The Guess Who, 1970)

Coconut (Harry Nilsson, 1971)

Brown Sugar (The Rolling Stones, 1971)

Holding the Bag (Moe Bandy & Joe Stampley, 1980)

Same Old Lane Syne (Dan Fogelberg, 1981)

The Waiting (Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers, 1981)

Black Coffee in Bed (Squeeze, 1982)

My Bologna (Weird Al Yankovic, 1983)

Stand Back (Stevie Nicks, 1983)

And, of course, anything by Bread.

The problem is I don’t play an instrument despite several years of piano lessons (thank you, Francie Eyer). The only song I can play is “Nadia’s Theme” (aka the theme from the Young & the Restless) which although a popular show with my generation, probably is not a good signature song for a 50-plus band.

Also, I can’t carry a tune.

But I think I would make a great band manager! I know people who know people. I can book gigs!

If anyone with musical talent wants to join Cart Return, let me know!

In the meantime, I’m off to put my groceries away.